Today we heard back from our Social Worker.  After what felt like an eternity of waiting (in reality it was only 5 days), we found out that we have not been matched with this baby.

Our hearts are heavy with this news, but we are not devastated.  We know that it just wasn't our turn yet, and that the right baby for us is on their way.  We are also confident in the fact that this birth mother chose what was right for her and her baby, and that is what is the most important.  

So, in the meantime - we're going to work on our new house, and I'll work on the musical, and we'll get ready for my summer of grad school, and all will be well.  

Thank you to everybody for your prayers and kind words up to this point.  We are continually inspired and uplifted by all your love.

This post has been over two weeks in the making.  Believe me, it has been so difficult for me to not blog about developments every single day, but then I would just ramble incoherently.  So here are the important parts:

January 29 

Our social worker contacted us on Tuesday afternoon (the day before yesterday) to tell us that a birth mother wants to meet us, and two other families.  She'll interview each of us for an hour on February 13th - and make a decision on who she would like to parent her child.

I can't (and don't want to) give more information other than that in this forum at this moment in time.  It's hard for me to process how this makes me feel.  At first, when I got the  news, I was incredibly excited.  I still am.  But then I started thinking of all the the details - I quickly became overwhelmed.  We could be parents in a month.  A month.  Parents.  We have a crib.  And a changing table.  And a dresser.  That's it.  

As if that wasn't enough to freak me out, I also became hyper aware of another fact of this potential match.  This birth mother has already given birth to her child.  By the time placement happens, she will have been parenting this little one for over 2 months.  I can't imagine the pain and heartbreak this decision must be causing this poor woman.  

Furthermore, if she chooses us to parent her child, how in the world am I going to drive to this girl's home (or maybe we'll meet at the agency?) and literally take her baby away from her?  I've always known this was a part of the adoption process, and I know she is making this adoption plan because she loves her child and wants to do what's best for, but ... I just don't have words.  It was this realization that broke my heart.  

That's all I have for now.  We'll meet her on the 13th - the same day that we're closing on our house, so it'll be a big day on all fronts.  

February 10

Time is going by really fast.  I expected this time to drag slowly.  But it isn't.  I have also realized what wonderful people I have in my life supporting me.  My students particularly have been so incredibly encouraging and amazing.  The majority of the time when people learn I work with teenagers, they always say something along the lines of "I don't know how you do it", but it really is the biggest blessing of my life.  

I discovered today that some students have been tweeting and re-tweeting Jonathan and my adoption story.  It really took my by surprise, and touched my heart a lot.  Doesn't have much to do with the potential match - but really made me feel good.

February 13

Well, it's been quite the day for us.  It started at 7am when we went and closed on our house.  That's right, we are now homeowners! Yay!! 

After signing about a billion documents (but less than the amount we had to sign for the adoption), we headed out to Richmond.  I was a basket of nerves all day - but even more so on the drive up there.  We got to Richmond about an hour early, so had lunch and grabbed some coffee.  Then we went over to the agency.

After waiting maybe 5 minutes in the lobby, our social worker came and got us and brought us into a room that was set up much like a living room.  That's where we met this lovely young woman and her mother.  All of my nerves disappeared at that moment.  

Jonathan and I sat down on a couch and the "interview" began.  We talked about how Jon and I met, what kind of parents we hope to be, what kind of activities we would do with the baby, why we chose adoption, etc.  We also go to learn a lot about her and her family, why she is choosing adoption, her hopes for her child, that we have a mutual love for Harry Potter, the degree of openness she wished for in her adoption, and a lot more.  

I expected to leave this meeting anxious and nervous.  But I didn't.  I feel that the meeting went really well.  I feel like we connected with this young woman and her mother in some way.  Jonathan and I agree that if we were to be chosen, it would be absolutely amazing.  We would become parents and be able to foster a relationship with the extraordinary young woman and her family that would enrich the baby's life, and create almost an extended family for us as well.  

But we also feel like she is going to make the right decision for her baby.  She was clearly an incredibly intelligent young woman and will know exactly who is right.  And if that's not us, that's okay.  It's a feeling of contentment.  And I like that a lot.  

Our support network has continued to amaze me to no end.  We've had so many acts of love this past week because people knew how scary this was for us.  How did we get so lucky?  

I've considered not posting this until the final outcome (to happen sometime in the coming week) - but decided that I would like that post to be by itself.  So until then, I hope everybody is doing well!

Nikisha

Hello Again!

I've been back and forth on whether or not to post this (you can guess which side won).  Jon and I have said from the beginning that we didn't want people to think that we are begging for money, and I hope this doesn't come off in that manner.  

Through this extensive process many people have asked how they can contribute. We had the coffee fundraiser at first.  And where we had some positive feedback, we also got feedback from others that they didn't drink that much coffee (a foreign concept to me!), that they wanted to contribute directly to us.  To this end, we've created a profile on AdoptTogether.  It's like crowd sourcing - but specifically for adoption.  Also, since you're donating to a company who keeps track of who you're donating too, and then awarding grants in those amounts - it's tax deductible (because they're a 501c3), which is pretty cool.  More about how the organization works can be found here.

We don't expect everyone who reads this blog to contribute, and certainly hope you don't feel obligated in any way.  

Thank you for being a part of our adoption story.

Nikisha and Jonathan

Our blog was nominated for the Liebster Award!  

First, a big shout out over to Jessica over at AdoptPeru who nominated me for the Liebster Award. I really love reading Jessica's blog.  First of all, she's incredibly funny, but also I get the chance to read about an adoption process that's entirely different from my own.  You should head over and show her some love!  

This is all great, but what is the Liebster Award?

In Jessica's words: "The Liebster Award is presented from blogger to blogger. It’s a way to recognize up and coming bloggers with less than 200 followers while getting to know them, and help others to discover them as well!"  That sums it up pretty nicely I think! Another added bonus, I think, is the fact that many people don't know who is reading their blogs.  I'm sure my nominations to several of the blogs will come as a complete surprise to them.

There are several things that one must do once nominated for this award:

Here Are The 11 Questions I Need To Answer (and so do my nominees) For the Liebster Award:

1. Why did you start blogging?
I started blogging because as Jonathan and I started the adoption process, I was so confused and stressed out.  I felt like there was a ton of sites that were just trying to get our business (and money), and not a lot of sites that would just give me information.  So Jonathan and I decided to start this blog to hopefully be a source of information for people like us.  We also thought it would be a really cool way to chronicle our journey so that someday our child would be able to see the process we went through.  

2. What is your favorite food?
My favorite food is the peirogies that Jon brings home every time he visits his grandmother in Pennsylvania.  It is one of my goals this year to learn how to make them! 

3. What was your first job?
My first job was as a cashier at Baggins.  I worked every Saturday and when I got fired for having to go to a band competition instead of working the Saturday shift, my mother went in and gave the manager hell.  It was awesome and terrifying all at the same time.  

4. What are you having for dinner tonight?
Tonight is a show night with my students, so probably Jimmy John's and Starbuks :)

5. Pick one word to describe your blog.
Budding

6. If you could go to any place in the world on a free vacation for a week, where would you go?
I would probably go to Scotland.  I would love to explore my family's history in that region.  Plus, everybody would look pale like me!

7. Who was your favorite teacher?
Mr. Blankfield in my junior year of High School.  He taught me a little about how our world works - but more about being myself regardless of what others thought of me.  He also genuinely cared for us.  What I admired most about him is that he was always himself in front of us - regardless of what that meant.  He never hid is tattoos, he told us exactly what he thought about our decisions, and sometimes the lesson called for saying an adult word or two.  I respected that a lot.

8. Where do you see yourself in five years?
As a mom, hopefully.  We'll be in our new house (although it won't be new by then).  I'll have my Masters Degree at that time.  Maybe I'll still be teacher where I am, maybe I'll move on to teaching at a University.  I think if we've been placed with our first child, we'll be on our way to adopting our second.  

9. Who would you say has been the most influential person in your life?
My sister.  Growing up, she was always my confidant, as well as my built in best friend.  She constantly challenges me to be true to who I am at the same time as loving me for being so completely different from her.  She is my rock in all things and I would be lost without her.  

10. If you had to be any animal for the rest of your life , what would you pick?
Probably a lion.  I don't know, I'm just feeling lion.

11. What is your favorite color?
Green.

Here Are 11 Random Facts About Me:
1. I can't stand the way a banana sounds when I'm eating it.
2. I still love Disney, and probably always will.  It stresses me out when my husband says he won't go to Disneyland/Disneyworld with me more than I care to admit.
3. I love to try and make things and be crafty. Sad part is, almost all my projects fail.  But I enjoy the process anyway! 
4. I love to listen to the sound of rain.  It's the Arizona in me.
5. I operate best when I'm really busy and a little stressed out.
6. I wish I could sing and dance.
7. I have three cats - but long for a dog
8. My favorite animal is the bison.
9. My favorite play is Seascape With Sharks and Dancer 
10. Even though teenagers are not the easiest people to deal with, I LOVE being a high school theatre teacher.  
11. Family is incredibly important to me.

Here are my 11 nominees for the Liebster Award:

Confessions of a Book Smeller - A witty little corner of the internet written by my dear friend Lia.  Our hope that is with this award, she'll be motivated to blog more often ;)

Chunky Potatoes - A blog and brand lead by my fearless cousin and his wife supporting their communities.

Run Away With Me - Just try to read this blog and not want to move to Alaska or do all the things this wonderful woman does! 

The TriGirl Chronicles - Another incredibly inspiring blog about fitness and challenging yourself.

Hi. I like you - A former co-worker and her adventures in Hawai'i

My Adoption Destination - A really beautiful, humble blog written by a Birth Mother and advocate for adoption.

Sarah and John Adopt - A lovely blog.  Like ours, this couple is blogging about their journey to growing their family through adoption. 

Adoption Love - A lovely look in to this adoptive family.  Although she's on an "intermission" right now, I highly suggest looking through her archives.  

Once Upon a Prayer - This blog isn't used often, but the family's FaceBook page Praying for Lily is.  I'm not sure if this is "breaking the rules" of the Liebster Award, but I think this adoptive family deserves all the love it can get.  

Expecting Miracles - I just think this blog is beautiful.  The design, the story.  I love it.

MomWorkCook - Because, who doesn't love food?!

Go show these blogs some love! 

Happy New Year Everybody - a little late. 

This year, Jonathan and I decided to ditch resolutions in favor of goals.  This just seems so much more attainable to me.  A resolution is a thing I feel like you have to be perfect at from day one (for example, if you say "no soda in 2015" and then forget at a restaurant or just really want a soda - you've already failed), whereas a goal is something you can continually work on and improve yourself.  

One of the goals I am working on for myself is blogging more, and making more contact with people in the adoption community.  One way I've decided to do this is to do something called a blog link up.

A link up is when somebody on one blog will post a discussion topic or general theme for a post.  In our case, we're using Kristen's blog "Adoption Love".  Once Kristen posts her topic, people in the adoption community with blogs will write about that topic, and post a link to their article on her website.  That way, we all of one place to go to branch out and discover more thoughts, ideas, opinions, and most importantly PEOPLE in our community.  

So, for the month of January, here is our topic: How will adoption play a roll in your year? What are your hopes and dreams? Are you waiting for your little one to come home? Write about how you imagine that happening. Are you placing/have you placed a child for adoption? What are you hopes for your child's future, and how you will be a part of their year? How will you contribute to the adoption world this year?

I have absolutely no idea how adoption is going to play a role in my coming year.  Of course, my hope is that this is the year we are placed.  I know we have only been officially waiting for just over a month - and part of me really judges me for already being impatient.  I have told some of those closest to me that I feel like we're going to have a quick placement, but that doesn't really mean anything.  It's a hope and a dream that this is the year that we get to call ourselves parents.  But it just as easily could be next year, or the year after.  

Every time the phone rings, and its a number I don't recognize, part of me thinks "This is it! This is the call!".  I imagine that our story with our little one will begin like that.  In the meantime, I find myself nesting in every sense of the word.  Pinterest and I have become very close friends as of late.  I have my dream nursery all planned out in my head - and we will begin working on that in a couple months.  Until then, I'll just be here - jumping every time the phone rings :)

Do you want to read more wonderful adoption blogs? Then you should head over and check out Kristen's link up.  Make sure you browse around all the blogs that are being posted.  They all have wonderful things to add to our adoption world views:

http://www.jkadoptionlove.com/2014/12/jan-adoption-love-link-up-hopes.html

Love,
Nikisha

Dear Baby,

Today and tomorrow mark our first major holiday as a waiting family.  It's not as hard as I thought it would be, but we've only been waiting for a couple weeks.  We'll see how it gets as time progresses.  

In the meantime, I wanted to tell you a little bit about how Christmas is for our family, at least how it is this year.  I'm sure once you come everything will change.

This year, we have a small white tree (it stands at about a foot and a half), with quite a bit of presents under and around it at the moment.  The presents are mostly for other members of our family: Grams Marie and Paps Jon, Aunt Joyce and Uncle Jeff, Aunt Jan, Grandma Ann, Cousin Alex and his girlfriend Haley (all on your father's side), Grandpa TC, Auntie MayMay and Uncle Isaac, Grandma Cheryl, Grandma Mel, and several students of mine (those are all on my side).   We've also mailed a ton of them out (Stephanie and Eric have already gotten theirs, as have my GodDaughter Emma, Grandmas Maia and Jackie, and Aunt Jill and Alicia).  We also have a couple gifts for us - some from each other, but most from our wonderful loving friends and family.  I imagine once you're a part of our family, ALL the gifts will be for you :)

On the tree we have a couple of small blue ornaments and a really beautiful ornament that is in the shape of a heart and says "Our First Christmas, 2013" which was a wedding gift.  Someday I hope to have a "Baby's First Christmas, 201_".  Above the tree, we've taped all the Christmas cards that we've gotten to the wall.  Dad wasn't sure about this idea at first, but I think it looks pretty nice.  I've got a video of a crackling fire playing on the television, and a pumpkin pie candle burning - so the house smells delicious and sounds nice and cozy.

There are also some pretty decorations up.  Gold ornaments hang from the dining room chandelier and in some doorways.  There is a small red table runner on the dining table with red candles and a quaint little decorative tree with a cardinal on top.  There is also a lit up garland on the kitchen island.  

We're going to be having some of my students over today so that I can give them their gifts.  Tomorrow, Grandma Cheryl and Grandpa TC are coming over to our house to have Christmas dinner and open presents.  I'm going to make some sugar cookies (because yum), and buy just a couple more presents, and then we're all ready for tomorrow!  

Someday you'll be here, opening gifts with us.  Someday we will be helping you to clean up the mess and put everything away. Someday we'll all sit down as a family to decide what we can do for others this time of year.  Someday we'll ring the new year in together and make plans on how we're going to be better people.  Someday.

But for now, I do have one present for you.  When our Home Study became final a couple weeks ago, we asked Stephanie and Eric to be your God Parents.  Stephanie and Eric are two of the kindest, most loving people that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. In the lowest times and the highest times of my life, I have always been able to turn to these two wonderful people who have seen me through.  Stephanie was one of two bridesmaids in our wedding (Auntie MayMay was the other), and Eric performed most of the ceremony that joined your father and me.  I know that these two will smother you with unconditional love, and support you through the wonderful times in your life as well as the difficult ones.  

Wherever you are right now, please know that you are loved by so many people who cannot wait to meet you when the right time comes.

Merry Christmas, Baby.  

Love, 
Mom

and now we wait. 

... and fill out grant applications ... 

Today I learned about something that really touched my heart, so I thought I would share it.

I found a company called Red Thread Sessions.  Instead of me trying to tell you what it's about, here's a blurb from their website:

Red Thread Sessions was started in 2011 by two custom photographers in Texas and Maryland, both whom added to their families through adoption. Feeling the need in their communities to celebrate the beauty of adoption through photography, Red Thread Sessions was born. Soon after, many other photographers throughout the U.S. felt moved to donate their time as well. Red Thread sessions not only captures family portraits of new families, it also capture the precious, happy, confusing, exciting, exhausting, traumatic, life-changing time that is so often brief and fleeting in the life of an adoptive family.

A Red Thread Session is a complimentary photography session held during your homecoming or shortly after you have become an adoptive family. Depending on what type of Red Thread Session you would like, our sessions will capture you as a new family and all of the emotions that go along with it. Photographers will also create portraits of your new child if you like. Participating photographers have agreed to celebrate your adoption by completely waiving their session fee and offering edited proofs from your session at no cost to you.



It warms my heart to see people taking care of people.  

I also feel it's worth mentioning that I found this company through an article that my wonderful friend Erin Mathews shared with me.  That article can be seen here: 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/10/adoption-photos_n_6064110.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

Have a beautiful night, all! 

So, my last post had to do with the "Dear Birth Mother'' letter.  Something that we have tweaked and perfected since then, and have submitted the final version.  

Another thing that our social worker suggested we do is create a photo book chronicling our lives.  I loved this idea, but was unsure where to start.  It took a while for me to get going with it, but eventually I got a great idea from a friend to do an ABC book about Jon and me.  It took a while, but it is finally done, and submitted as well, but I wanted to share it here since it involves so many of our friends and family.  If you didn't make it into the book, I'm really very sorry - but there's only so many pictures I can put into such a small book (and that worked with each of the letters)!  

So ... without further ado .... The ABCs of Jon and Nikisha (Front cover picture, the black and white photo on page "E", the groomsman picture on page "F", 5 small pictures on page "K" every picture on page "U"  taken by R. Gonzalez Photography,  -Thanks Rebekah!)