So, my last post had to do with the "Dear Birth Mother'' letter.  Something that we have tweaked and perfected since then, and have submitted the final version.  

Another thing that our social worker suggested we do is create a photo book chronicling our lives.  I loved this idea, but was unsure where to start.  It took a while for me to get going with it, but eventually I got a great idea from a friend to do an ABC book about Jon and me.  It took a while, but it is finally done, and submitted as well, but I wanted to share it here since it involves so many of our friends and family.  If you didn't make it into the book, I'm really very sorry - but there's only so many pictures I can put into such a small book (and that worked with each of the letters)!  

So ... without further ado .... The ABCs of Jon and Nikisha (Front cover picture, the black and white photo on page "E", the groomsman picture on page "F", 5 small pictures on page "K" every picture on page "U"  taken by R. Gonzalez Photography,  -Thanks Rebekah!)

As previously mentioned, people have a lot of questions about adoption.  A lot of these questions have to do with cost.  

I was surprised when I kept hearing the phrase "Oh, we were considering adoption - but we know it's too expensive for us, so we decided not to."  I also kept getting the feeling that people wanted to ask the cost - but felt like I might be uncomfortable or offended if they did.  That's totally understandable, people tend to get a little weird when they talk about money.

This leads us to todays post.  I'm going to tell you a little bit about the cost of adoption.  Before I do - please know that this is not a cry for help, a fundraising attempt, or anything else in which the end result is you feeling like you owe something to someone.  This is just an informative "things to think about and expect" post.

So! What costs are associated with adoption?  Please keep in mind that all the information that I provide here is based off of my personal experience with the agencies that I have encountered and the experiences I have had.  

There are two different categories in my mind.  The first category is the adoption category.  The second is the normal costs associated with having a baby (i.e. diapers, clothes, crib, formula, toys, bottles, etc.)  I'm not going to talk about the second category much for two reasons.  First, I don't have much knowledge of that area as of yet.  Secondly - I'm assuming everybody is vaguely aware of those costs (and if not, a quick trip to Target will be able to inform you much quicker than I can explain).

The first cost you are likely to encounter with an adoption is going to be an application fee.  Some agencies don't have one - but the majority do.  This fee falls right around the $500 range in our area.  Our agency categorizes application fees as part of the home study.  So you can either say that we are paying a $500 application fee and a $1000 home study fee, or you can just say we're paying a $1500 home study fee.  It's really six one way, half a dozen the other.   

The next major cost is going to be the home study (as you may have guessed from above).  The home study costs that I have seen in Virginia range from $750 - $2500.  The fee ranges depending upon what the agency is including.  Those are the two extremes with the average cost falling right about $1500.  This fee covers the interviews that must be conducted with your social worker as well as the actual inspection of your home (to ensure that the child has enough room, that your home is safe, etc).  This amount does not cover the fees that you'll encounter as you gather the information about yourself that the agency will need: birth certificates, marriage licenses, divorce certificates, bank records, fingerprints, criminal history, driving records, physical examinations, etc.  Each of these categories might have a cost associated with them. 

The home study fee is generally a bit higher on two occasions: first, you are adopting internationally.  Second, you need a rush home study fee.  These two circumstances will typically raise the cost $500 for each.  

The next step is the long wait.  Around this time is typically when the second category of costs happens.  A lot of adoptive parents spend the long wait preparing for their child.  Then comes the placement!

Placement fees vary widely from agency to agency, and many agencies offer a sliding scale based on income of the expectant parents.  Our agency  fees are  10% of adjusted gross income with a minimum $10,000 and a maximum $25,000.  Again, this is just our agency - and all agencies vary.  I will say that of the agencies that I have investigated, this seems to be just about the average.  

Our placement fee does not include any counseling (for us or for the birth mother at $100 an hour), updates (if we move, we'll have to update our home study at $500),  post placement supervision (most agencies will need to check up on you at least three times at $325 each visit), any court reports (at $250 each), or an interstate compact fee (this is if you are adopting a child in a state other than your own, and is required.  Our fee for this would be $1500).  

Also associated with adoption is the fact that we will need to appear in court several times - and should have a lawyer to help represent us in obtaining legal custody of our child.  Of course, this lawyer will have their own fees.  

Also - if a birth mother chooses you while she's still pregnant, she may have some things that she can ask you to help her with such as food, rent, utilities, etc.  This varies widely depending upon what state you live in.  Some states don't have any rules regarding helping the birth mother, some set up guidelines, and some states forbid it. 

So all of that (to the best of my knowledge) is the basic cost of adoption.  Now, as Jonathan and I are in the very early stages of this process, I'm sure I am missing some information which can only be gained through experience.  It'll be interesting to look back on this at the end of the process.

One final note, all of this can seem daunting and impossible.  And at times I have been scared to death of all this.  But there are resources out there for help.  There are adoption grants, fundraisers, and tax credits.  It breaks my heart that somebody would discount adoption in their lives simply because of the costs associated with the process.  

As always, I look forward to any questions or conversations this may encourage,
Nikisha

Hello Friends!

We have had our first meeting with the woman who is likely to be our social worker.  We learned a lot about different types of adoption (here I was thinking that there were only two - domestic and international.  Not so).  We turned in our inquiry form and are currently working on the applications.  After that will be home study time.  Which is weird, because it means we're actually going to start setting up where a crib will go, or where a changing table will go.  We will have to start making decisions about our baby.  Isn't that weird?  Weird, but awesome.  You should see the pins I have on Pintrest for a nursery :)

Along with application time and home study time comes check writing time.  That part isn't as exciting.  Jonathan and I have really been struggling with the idea of fundraising.  Some friends and family asked when and what we were planning to do in this area so they could help, and that started the conversation.  We have gone back and forth a couple of times - and we agreed that we were very uncomfortable with the idea of asking people for money for nothing in return.

I then had a great conversation with my cousin's wife (shout out to the lovely Pricilla!) and she talked to me about fundraisers and gave me a few places to start.  The first one that we talked about is Owls for Orphans (I've included a link to this organization under the "Helpful Links" tab).  This group is awesome.  Here's what they're all about:

"The Owls for Orphans boutique is where you’ll find our handcrafted crochet animals, patterns, and latch hook rugs.  Items are designed and crafted by Amy and Nichol and make the perfect unique gift for a baby shower or birthday party.  A portion of every sale in our shop goes to help adopting families bring home their children.  We have currently raised over $1300 for adopting families."

I really loved reading about this group - and fully intend on purchasing an owl to help an adopting family.  We sadly cannot be one of their featured families because they currently only feature families who are adopting internationally.  

The next one that I looked into is called Angel Bins.  They are also linked under the tab "Helpful Links".  

"Raising money for your favorite organization can be environmentally friendly. Angel Bins offers you and your team or charity the opportunity to make money while recycling gently used clothing and shoes.

Angel Bins is committed to reducing our impact on the environment. By collecting your used clothing and footwear, we are reducing the amount of waste that goes into our landfills, while recycling some of your items into other materials and re-using the rest in third world countries. Did you know that according to EPA studies, only 15% of all textile waste is currently being recycled?"

They have several different types of fundraisers.  The one I was looking at specifically was the shoe fundraiser.  But then, when do I not like shoes?  So this one is in the works for us, not quite there yet.

The one we have chosen to start at the moment is this:

"When Just Love Coffee Founder Rob Webb and his wife, Emily, were going through the adoption process, they found that many adopting families were frustrated by the lack of a good fundraising model. The Just Love Coffee Roasters fundraising program was born as a result. Our program is unique in that we don’t require you to purchase anything. What you do need to do is tell others about it ... 

We handle everything on the back end, from roasting the coffees to order fulfillment and customer service.
All you have to do is get the word out about your store. Send the link to your Just Love web page to as many people as possible to generate sales for your account."

Why? Because COFFEE!!  I'm the first to admit that I drink too much coffee (I average about four cups a day).  And we really love this fundraiser because it's something that people typically buy anyway.  If you are interested, the link to our shop is: https://justlovecoffee.com/kozikadoption.  I'll keep everybody updated on the progress of that as time goes on.

I hope everybody is having a great week!  One week from today, Jonathan and I will be married for a year!

Nikisha

Hello Again!!

My goodness has the last few months been a whirlwind.  Jonathan and I have been super busy with work - the Spring always tends to be the busiest.  We have taken trips (separately, I have discovered we rarely travel together), we have started new rituals in our home (man, do I hate working out - but I love the way it makes me feel), and we have made new wonderful friends.

We have also made a tiny step forward in the adoption process!  As you might remember we really liked Children's Home Society of Virginia (the very first agency we attended an orientation with), but didn't feel as though we would be able to work with them because they typically require couples to have been married for three years in order to work with them.  So we explored other options, we talked to different agencies, and we kept an ongoing list of which agency we liked the best.  CHS kept popping up at the top of that list.  So we decided to contact them.

After outlining our relationship (met in 2005, started dating in March of 2007, long distance for 2.5 years - but living together for each summer within that time span, living together consecutively since December of 2009, engaged in August of 2012, and married in June of 2013.  This means we will have been in a committed relationship for 7 years and will be married for 14 months by the time we are ready to do a home study August of 2014), the director of social work said that they would be happy to work with us based on that information.  

So although this is a small step, it's an exciting one for Jonathan and me.  The director who responded to us is currently at a conference, but we are looking forward to her call in the coming week.  At that time Jonathan and I will discuss with her details about paperwork and first steps.  We will then start gathering all the necessary documentation for the home study so we are ready for it in August when I return from my first summer in grad school.  

So that's about it!  I am pledging to myself that I am going to be more consistent with the upkeep on this blog, and have lined up some topics for the future.  I hope all of you are doing well and enjoying this beautiful weather we're finally getting - unless you're my friends and family in Arizona.  In which case you should probably stay inside and drink lots of water :)

Nikisha

Thursday evening Jonathan and I went to Fredricksburg and had our first orientation with an agency.  It was about an hour or so away, and there were three other couples there.  Let's talk about how nervous I was, shall we?

I really psyched myself out for this orientation.  I was anxious all day.  I had to find the exact right thing to wear because if I didn't appear professional, that meant I would be a bad mom, right? I brought along some make up to touch up my face because if I didn't look perfect, that meant I would be a bad mom, right?  When I lost an earring back, I felt like I clearly couldn't keep things together and therefore would be a bad mom, right?!?!  Jon pretty much just laughed at me and told me to chill out.  "But what if they don't like us? What if they think we're too young? What if, What if What if ... ?"  The answer my awesome husband gave me to each scenario? "Then we'll kick them."  I love this man. 

So we met with a really nice woman at Children's Home Society of Virginia (picture above is a link).  She went through the process, spoke about the agency's history, answered some questions, and that was it.  It was nice.  It was easy.  It was ... nothing really.  Just an informational session.  I felt like certain topics were intentionally avoided (the cost of adoption being one of them) and I felt like the lady who was presenting to us really believed in the work she and her company were doing.  I respected that. 

They sent us home with some information to look over for both infant adoption and older child adoption.  I was really looking forward to a lot of useful information.  The most useful piece of information in the packet was their fee schedule, otherwise it was a lot of feel good fluff (i.e. a list of famous adopted persons).  That was a little disappointing, but then when I actually thought about it, what exactly did I expect to find in there?  Pictures of my future child? Likely not. 

After I got home I realized that I hadn't asked a question that I had intended to, so I emailed the lady.  I asked her if CHS had a policy on the length of time couples needed to be married before they can adopt through that agency.  Turns out they do: three years.  So I guess we won't be using them.  I'm obviously not devastated, it was just a little disappointing.  The lady did say that they sometimes make exceptions so  perhaps when the time comes around, we'll ask if we can be an exception.

In doing a little more research, the "time married requirement" is not uncommon.  We are going to come up against this with almost any agency.  Three years is the longest that I have found, most require one year.  I have also heard that some companies will take into consideration time lived together before marriage.   Once we are ready to do a home study, we will have been married for over a year, so likely this will no longer be an obstacle for us. 

In slightly unrelated news, I had a woman at my work approach me and tell me that she just adopted her son three years ago, and offered to be any sort of resource that we need.  She was so sweet and wonderful.  She mentioned that she went through Catholic Adoptive Services, so I thought maybe I would check them out next.  She also said to me "You are exactly what most birth mothers are looking for" which was very kind of her to say, and made me feel hopeful. 

In completely unrelated news, I got accepted to a graduate school in Chicago! This is super exciting, and I think will make the waiting for the adoption a little easier.  The program is over three consecutive summers.  So we'll spend between now and then looking into agencies and choosing one (on top of now prepping and preparing to be a student again).  Then, when I get back we'll move into our bigger place and have a home study.  The hard part will be if we're placed with a child before next summer, Jon and I will have to figure out what to do at that point.  But that's something to figure out if and when we need to. 

So that's all the news for now.  Things are still pretty slow, but that's okay. 

Nikisha

Okay! Here it is!! The first step in our adoption process! Are you excited?  Because I am!  It's time to find an agency!  With my cup of coffee in one hand I sit down at the computer and start with everybody's friend: Google.  Realistically I know this is going to take some time to find the exact match for us, but secretly in my head I want to find the right one NOW!

A few hours later, and it seems too early to be getting frustrated.  But there it is.  Frustration is settling in and everybody knows it by all my heavy sighs.  Google search generates the exact same list of results over and over regardless of the variation on search terms.  I keep getting pop-up ads and commercials for agencies who are HUGE.  Agencies who are not located near me.  Agencies who just don't look like they would care about my family.  I also keep getting adoption agencies in my area for pets.  Whereas I would love to have a dog, that isn't currently what we're going after here!

That's when my mother suggested I speak to Melissa, my cousin.  Melissa who has recently adopted her own wonderful little son. Good advice, Mom!  Melissa suggested I find real people who have experienced this side of adoption and can help answer questions, point me toward agencies, etc.  Sound advice from a wonderful woman.  Some of her resources came up with two agencies in my area; Jewish Family Services and Coordinators 2.  Then those agencies lead me to several other resources, and then: Bam! Less frustration already!

Jewish Social Services Agency: All the forms you need to fill out are available for download and easy to read.  This is also the first time I have seen prices for home studies and other services related to the adoption process spelled out in the open.  Another thing to consider is that JSSA is a reliable source, and have been around for 120 years (according to their website).  That certainly a huge plus when deciding who to work with.

Coordinators 2:  Awesome website, easy to navigate.  They have a ton of information regarding adoption in general.  So it's a good source of information if nothing else.  They seem very community based, and hold monthly events for their adoptive families as well as families waiting to adopt.  They also offer workshops and trainings for families in the adoption process, which is pretty awesome.  Unfortunately they're located in Richmond, and that's quite a drive for us.  They did lead me to another resource: AWAA

America World Adoption Association: Their domestic adoption services are currently closed to couples who live outside of Iowa (as of December 2013).  But there is a lot of helpful information on this website as well.  If you are looking to adopt internationally, they have many resources to look through.  Once you register, you are able to download their information packet and they also list all their fees on the page. 

Focus on the Family: My wonderful mother-in-law sent this site to me.  They have several pages of information, but do not appear to be arranging adoptions or placing children at the moment.

I think these four are enough for me to start processing information, and are certainly enough for one blog post.  I feel it's important to note that I have not yet worked with any of these agencies or foundations; we're still in the "searching for an agency" phase. 

So, I'm less frustrated now.  I have a couple of leads to look into and that's something.  I also found some grant information which I will dedicate a blog to in the near future.  Jonathan and I are also going to go buy "Adoption for Dummies" or something along those lines within the next couple weeks and I'll review that and any other book we read here as well.   Anything else anybody wants me to talk about in particular?  Leave me suggestions in the comments!

Until next time!
Nikisha - AKA Mommy