Our blog was nominated for the Liebster Award!  

First, a big shout out over to Jessica over at AdoptPeru who nominated me for the Liebster Award. I really love reading Jessica's blog.  First of all, she's incredibly funny, but also I get the chance to read about an adoption process that's entirely different from my own.  You should head over and show her some love!  

This is all great, but what is the Liebster Award?

In Jessica's words: "The Liebster Award is presented from blogger to blogger. It’s a way to recognize up and coming bloggers with less than 200 followers while getting to know them, and help others to discover them as well!"  That sums it up pretty nicely I think! Another added bonus, I think, is the fact that many people don't know who is reading their blogs.  I'm sure my nominations to several of the blogs will come as a complete surprise to them.

There are several things that one must do once nominated for this award:

Here Are The 11 Questions I Need To Answer (and so do my nominees) For the Liebster Award:

1. Why did you start blogging?
I started blogging because as Jonathan and I started the adoption process, I was so confused and stressed out.  I felt like there was a ton of sites that were just trying to get our business (and money), and not a lot of sites that would just give me information.  So Jonathan and I decided to start this blog to hopefully be a source of information for people like us.  We also thought it would be a really cool way to chronicle our journey so that someday our child would be able to see the process we went through.  

2. What is your favorite food?
My favorite food is the peirogies that Jon brings home every time he visits his grandmother in Pennsylvania.  It is one of my goals this year to learn how to make them! 

3. What was your first job?
My first job was as a cashier at Baggins.  I worked every Saturday and when I got fired for having to go to a band competition instead of working the Saturday shift, my mother went in and gave the manager hell.  It was awesome and terrifying all at the same time.  

4. What are you having for dinner tonight?
Tonight is a show night with my students, so probably Jimmy John's and Starbuks :)

5. Pick one word to describe your blog.
Budding

6. If you could go to any place in the world on a free vacation for a week, where would you go?
I would probably go to Scotland.  I would love to explore my family's history in that region.  Plus, everybody would look pale like me!

7. Who was your favorite teacher?
Mr. Blankfield in my junior year of High School.  He taught me a little about how our world works - but more about being myself regardless of what others thought of me.  He also genuinely cared for us.  What I admired most about him is that he was always himself in front of us - regardless of what that meant.  He never hid is tattoos, he told us exactly what he thought about our decisions, and sometimes the lesson called for saying an adult word or two.  I respected that a lot.

8. Where do you see yourself in five years?
As a mom, hopefully.  We'll be in our new house (although it won't be new by then).  I'll have my Masters Degree at that time.  Maybe I'll still be teacher where I am, maybe I'll move on to teaching at a University.  I think if we've been placed with our first child, we'll be on our way to adopting our second.  

9. Who would you say has been the most influential person in your life?
My sister.  Growing up, she was always my confidant, as well as my built in best friend.  She constantly challenges me to be true to who I am at the same time as loving me for being so completely different from her.  She is my rock in all things and I would be lost without her.  

10. If you had to be any animal for the rest of your life , what would you pick?
Probably a lion.  I don't know, I'm just feeling lion.

11. What is your favorite color?
Green.

Here Are 11 Random Facts About Me:
1. I can't stand the way a banana sounds when I'm eating it.
2. I still love Disney, and probably always will.  It stresses me out when my husband says he won't go to Disneyland/Disneyworld with me more than I care to admit.
3. I love to try and make things and be crafty. Sad part is, almost all my projects fail.  But I enjoy the process anyway! 
4. I love to listen to the sound of rain.  It's the Arizona in me.
5. I operate best when I'm really busy and a little stressed out.
6. I wish I could sing and dance.
7. I have three cats - but long for a dog
8. My favorite animal is the bison.
9. My favorite play is Seascape With Sharks and Dancer 
10. Even though teenagers are not the easiest people to deal with, I LOVE being a high school theatre teacher.  
11. Family is incredibly important to me.

Here are my 11 nominees for the Liebster Award:

Confessions of a Book Smeller - A witty little corner of the internet written by my dear friend Lia.  Our hope that is with this award, she'll be motivated to blog more often ;)

Chunky Potatoes - A blog and brand lead by my fearless cousin and his wife supporting their communities.

Run Away With Me - Just try to read this blog and not want to move to Alaska or do all the things this wonderful woman does! 

The TriGirl Chronicles - Another incredibly inspiring blog about fitness and challenging yourself.

Hi. I like you - A former co-worker and her adventures in Hawai'i

My Adoption Destination - A really beautiful, humble blog written by a Birth Mother and advocate for adoption.

Sarah and John Adopt - A lovely blog.  Like ours, this couple is blogging about their journey to growing their family through adoption. 

Adoption Love - A lovely look in to this adoptive family.  Although she's on an "intermission" right now, I highly suggest looking through her archives.  

Once Upon a Prayer - This blog isn't used often, but the family's FaceBook page Praying for Lily is.  I'm not sure if this is "breaking the rules" of the Liebster Award, but I think this adoptive family deserves all the love it can get.  

Expecting Miracles - I just think this blog is beautiful.  The design, the story.  I love it.

MomWorkCook - Because, who doesn't love food?!

Go show these blogs some love! 

As previously mentioned, people have a lot of questions about adoption.  A lot of these questions have to do with cost.  

I was surprised when I kept hearing the phrase "Oh, we were considering adoption - but we know it's too expensive for us, so we decided not to."  I also kept getting the feeling that people wanted to ask the cost - but felt like I might be uncomfortable or offended if they did.  That's totally understandable, people tend to get a little weird when they talk about money.

This leads us to todays post.  I'm going to tell you a little bit about the cost of adoption.  Before I do - please know that this is not a cry for help, a fundraising attempt, or anything else in which the end result is you feeling like you owe something to someone.  This is just an informative "things to think about and expect" post.

So! What costs are associated with adoption?  Please keep in mind that all the information that I provide here is based off of my personal experience with the agencies that I have encountered and the experiences I have had.  

There are two different categories in my mind.  The first category is the adoption category.  The second is the normal costs associated with having a baby (i.e. diapers, clothes, crib, formula, toys, bottles, etc.)  I'm not going to talk about the second category much for two reasons.  First, I don't have much knowledge of that area as of yet.  Secondly - I'm assuming everybody is vaguely aware of those costs (and if not, a quick trip to Target will be able to inform you much quicker than I can explain).

The first cost you are likely to encounter with an adoption is going to be an application fee.  Some agencies don't have one - but the majority do.  This fee falls right around the $500 range in our area.  Our agency categorizes application fees as part of the home study.  So you can either say that we are paying a $500 application fee and a $1000 home study fee, or you can just say we're paying a $1500 home study fee.  It's really six one way, half a dozen the other.   

The next major cost is going to be the home study (as you may have guessed from above).  The home study costs that I have seen in Virginia range from $750 - $2500.  The fee ranges depending upon what the agency is including.  Those are the two extremes with the average cost falling right about $1500.  This fee covers the interviews that must be conducted with your social worker as well as the actual inspection of your home (to ensure that the child has enough room, that your home is safe, etc).  This amount does not cover the fees that you'll encounter as you gather the information about yourself that the agency will need: birth certificates, marriage licenses, divorce certificates, bank records, fingerprints, criminal history, driving records, physical examinations, etc.  Each of these categories might have a cost associated with them. 

The home study fee is generally a bit higher on two occasions: first, you are adopting internationally.  Second, you need a rush home study fee.  These two circumstances will typically raise the cost $500 for each.  

The next step is the long wait.  Around this time is typically when the second category of costs happens.  A lot of adoptive parents spend the long wait preparing for their child.  Then comes the placement!

Placement fees vary widely from agency to agency, and many agencies offer a sliding scale based on income of the expectant parents.  Our agency  fees are  10% of adjusted gross income with a minimum $10,000 and a maximum $25,000.  Again, this is just our agency - and all agencies vary.  I will say that of the agencies that I have investigated, this seems to be just about the average.  

Our placement fee does not include any counseling (for us or for the birth mother at $100 an hour), updates (if we move, we'll have to update our home study at $500),  post placement supervision (most agencies will need to check up on you at least three times at $325 each visit), any court reports (at $250 each), or an interstate compact fee (this is if you are adopting a child in a state other than your own, and is required.  Our fee for this would be $1500).  

Also associated with adoption is the fact that we will need to appear in court several times - and should have a lawyer to help represent us in obtaining legal custody of our child.  Of course, this lawyer will have their own fees.  

Also - if a birth mother chooses you while she's still pregnant, she may have some things that she can ask you to help her with such as food, rent, utilities, etc.  This varies widely depending upon what state you live in.  Some states don't have any rules regarding helping the birth mother, some set up guidelines, and some states forbid it. 

So all of that (to the best of my knowledge) is the basic cost of adoption.  Now, as Jonathan and I are in the very early stages of this process, I'm sure I am missing some information which can only be gained through experience.  It'll be interesting to look back on this at the end of the process.

One final note, all of this can seem daunting and impossible.  And at times I have been scared to death of all this.  But there are resources out there for help.  There are adoption grants, fundraisers, and tax credits.  It breaks my heart that somebody would discount adoption in their lives simply because of the costs associated with the process.  

As always, I look forward to any questions or conversations this may encourage,
Nikisha

"Oh no, what's wrong with you?" she asked, with a concerned look on her face.
"Nothing, until you asked me that" is what I wanted to reply. 

I have been scouring the internet for adoption blogs and helpful websites, so I know that I am not the first to be asked this hurtful question, nor will I be the last.   I know that adoptive families everywhere are asked this question everyday, and deal with it with grace.  I have read their answers, and I have read how to explain to people who simply do not understand.  So I was surprised that this question stung as much as it did.  I was even more surprised that I fumbled for an answer.  That I mumbled something unintelligible, and excused myself quickly.

I wish I could go back and change my mumble.  I wish I could stop thinking of the right thing to say hours later as I'm laying in bed.

I think what hurt the most is that the question implies that there is something wrong with adoption.  There is something wrong with Jonathan and me for choosing this path. 

Let me be clear on this from the start: Jonathan and I want to adopt. Did we have plans and ideas for bio-children (I still think of robots when I read/write this word)? Not exactly.  I did, Jonathan wasn't so sure.  But one thing was clear from the very beginning of our relationship: We have always wanted to adopt.  When I was eleven years old I read Anne of Green Gables and decided right alongside Matthew and Marilla that adoption was for me.  I can remember talking to my very first boyfriend in high school about wanting to adopt some day.  I can remember having the "what we want in our futures" talk with Jonathan and feeling so excited that adoption was something that he wanted in life as well.   We chose this.  We want this.  This is not a Plan B. 

Think about what you're asking a woman when you ask her what's wrong with her? Why isn't she having her "own" child?  I am having my own child.  When I bring that baby (or infant, or child) home, I will love her, advocate for her,  discipline her, praise her, nurture her, hug and kiss her, take her to the zoo/park/school/etc, and a thousand other things that every mother does for her child.  I will be just as proud as my child graduates kindergarten, middle school, high school and college.  Jon will walk our daughter down the aisle, if we get a girl, on her wedding day or teach him how to treat a lady on his first date if we have a son.  I strongly believe (as cheesy as it is) that love makes a family, not biology. 

I am grateful that the shame of adoption isn't as prevalent as it once was.  I am thankful that there are such things as open adoptions.  And I am happy to answer any questions to anybody about why Jonathan and I are choosing this path.  But if you are going to ask me questions, please keep in mind that you are asking me about my child.  That negative connotations and thoughts and feelings are hurtful.  Please remember that Jonathan and I are so excited about this.  That we are going to love the crap out of our little one.  And that although it may not be a path that you would choose, it is one that we are proud of.  Please ask me questions if you have them.  I could go on and on about this process to anybody who will listen, believe me!

So in response to you, oh well meaning friend of mine, nothing.  Nothing is wrong with me.  Other than the fact that my baby isn't home yet, and I'm anxious to meet her ... or him.  But hopefully her, since Jonathan and I cannot agree on a boy name :)

Nikisha

Dearest Baby,
It seems fitting that my first post about our adoption process is a letter to you, don't you think?

Daddy and I are so excited to start looking for you.  We talk about you all the time, and we have so many questions!

How old will you be when we meet you?
What will you look like?
Where will you come from?
What will you like? What will you dislike?
Will you be a boy or a girl?

There are so many more.  But the questions aren't the important part.The important part is that we are looking for you.  And as we look for you and navigate the difficult path laid down before us, we are going to tell you (and anybody else who cares to listen) all about the journey.  Hopefully other moms looking for their babies will find this tiny piece of the internet, and it will help them too. 

So here we are at the very beginning.  I am doing a ton of research on who is out there that can lead us to you, and daddy is napping with the kitties. Typical :)  I'll update you as we get along in the process.

I hope that wherever you are right now, that you know you are loved.
Mommy