Well, we certainly have made up for our slow start.

On September 8th, Jon and I had a meeting with our social worker, and was pretty great!  

We learned a lot about the process we're starting, and got a chance to ask all the questions that we had.  We also had a lot of questions to answer that we had never really thought about before.  Some of the questions were really hard to answer (prenatal care? HIV? etc.) and some where super easy (boy or girl?).  But we got through it all in about 2.5 hours and then had lots to talk about on the long drive back.

We also got a (literal) mountain of paperwork that we know have to go through, fill out, and return.  Here is a sample of what we have:

• Written daily schedule for all household members
  
• DMV Records for the past 5 years
  
• Copy of vehicle insurances
  
• Copy of vehicle registration
  
• Copy of valid car inspection
  
• Training completion certificate 
  
• Copy of drivers license for every adult in home
  
• Financial verification
  
• Copy of recent paystubs
  
• Credit checks
  
• Marriage license
  
• Fire evacuation drawing of home
  
• Pets records
  
• Photos of adopted parents
  
• Health Insurance statement
  
• Fingerprint cards
  
• Background checks
  
• CPS form
  
• Sworn disclosure statements
  
• Medical reports and TB tests
  
• Prohibition of corporal punishments statement
  
• Medical care statement
  
• Home environment checklist
  
• Confidentiality agreement
  
• Adoptive home summarized facts
  
• Never shake your baby statement
  
• Medication policy
  
• Code of ethics
  
• Statement regarding weapons
  
• Release of information
  
• Discipline policy
  
• Pet policy
  
• Emergency response plan
  
• Service fees agreement
  
• Self reflection questionnaire

And that's just the beginning (did you really read that whole list?  Good for you!).  So, Jon and I are slowly chugging away at that.  I'm currently working on my self reflection questionnaire and Jon just finished out "Dear Birth Mom" letter, which really and truly broke my heart.  That man has a way with words.

We have also attended a training which focused on developmental needs of adoptive children at different stages in their lives.  We also met several other adoptive families, some who had been through the process before.  That was really cool because we were able to talk to them and get their input on several aspects development that we had questions about.

Jon and I are also in the middle of reading another book.  It's called "Parenting with Love and Logic".  It's not adoption specific.  However, our agency has a "no corporeal punishment" rule, and suggested this book.  We're about a third of the way through it, and so far I'm liking what I'm reading.  When we're done with it, I'll post a review of the book.

So that's where we are!  If all goes according to plan, our homestudy should be done by November, and then we'll be in the books as a waiting family!

Nikisha

We have baby furniture!!

The dresser we've had (thanks Auntie May May!), and I found this lovely crib on Craigslist for $100.  After some research I discovered that the original price (new) of this crib was $650! The changing table new was $100, and we found it (again on Craigslist) for $40.  Isn't that exciting?!  This isn't the arrangement of the room - just the only way I could fit all the furniture in the picture :)  We also aren't decorating at all for a while, so this is it for the baby room pictures for the time being. 

I had my first dream about the baby.  I've had dreams about the process, about stumbling blocks, and about scams - but never has the baby been a character in my dream until now.  In this dream, the baby was a boy.  He was about a year or so - and he was walking.  He had dirty blond hair, and looked very mischievous.  Some man I don't know, walked him into my apartment and said "Here is your son."  Jon picked him up, and then I woke up.  I'm sure it means nothing, but it was nice.  

We have our first interview with our social worker a week from tomorrow, which is both amazing and terrifying.  I'm sure everything will be fine, I just have so terrifying thoughts about how things are going to go.  I'm also sure that every adoptive parent goes through that.

So that's all for now.  I'm sure I'll have plenty more to say next week after our interview!

Nikisha

Oh man, what a boring picture.

But!! This here is the room that used to be full of ... well ... nothing really.  Just a bunch of junk that overflowed from the rest of the house.  

Now! Now it's all clean! And that's our first piece of furniture for the baby (the dresser).  This will be the baby's area if we are placed before we are able to move into a house (although he or she will be sleeping in our room if we are placed with a child before we move in March).  

This will be our project to work on while we wait for the home study and after that, while we wait for the baby. 

So whereas it is indeed a boring picture, it symbolizes something very exciting.

Initial paperwork is in the mail!! (sorry for the white outs - you can never be too careful on the internet).

As previously mentioned, people have a lot of questions about adoption.  A lot of these questions have to do with cost.  

I was surprised when I kept hearing the phrase "Oh, we were considering adoption - but we know it's too expensive for us, so we decided not to."  I also kept getting the feeling that people wanted to ask the cost - but felt like I might be uncomfortable or offended if they did.  That's totally understandable, people tend to get a little weird when they talk about money.

This leads us to todays post.  I'm going to tell you a little bit about the cost of adoption.  Before I do - please know that this is not a cry for help, a fundraising attempt, or anything else in which the end result is you feeling like you owe something to someone.  This is just an informative "things to think about and expect" post.

So! What costs are associated with adoption?  Please keep in mind that all the information that I provide here is based off of my personal experience with the agencies that I have encountered and the experiences I have had.  

There are two different categories in my mind.  The first category is the adoption category.  The second is the normal costs associated with having a baby (i.e. diapers, clothes, crib, formula, toys, bottles, etc.)  I'm not going to talk about the second category much for two reasons.  First, I don't have much knowledge of that area as of yet.  Secondly - I'm assuming everybody is vaguely aware of those costs (and if not, a quick trip to Target will be able to inform you much quicker than I can explain).

The first cost you are likely to encounter with an adoption is going to be an application fee.  Some agencies don't have one - but the majority do.  This fee falls right around the $500 range in our area.  Our agency categorizes application fees as part of the home study.  So you can either say that we are paying a $500 application fee and a $1000 home study fee, or you can just say we're paying a $1500 home study fee.  It's really six one way, half a dozen the other.   

The next major cost is going to be the home study (as you may have guessed from above).  The home study costs that I have seen in Virginia range from $750 - $2500.  The fee ranges depending upon what the agency is including.  Those are the two extremes with the average cost falling right about $1500.  This fee covers the interviews that must be conducted with your social worker as well as the actual inspection of your home (to ensure that the child has enough room, that your home is safe, etc).  This amount does not cover the fees that you'll encounter as you gather the information about yourself that the agency will need: birth certificates, marriage licenses, divorce certificates, bank records, fingerprints, criminal history, driving records, physical examinations, etc.  Each of these categories might have a cost associated with them. 

The home study fee is generally a bit higher on two occasions: first, you are adopting internationally.  Second, you need a rush home study fee.  These two circumstances will typically raise the cost $500 for each.  

The next step is the long wait.  Around this time is typically when the second category of costs happens.  A lot of adoptive parents spend the long wait preparing for their child.  Then comes the placement!

Placement fees vary widely from agency to agency, and many agencies offer a sliding scale based on income of the expectant parents.  Our agency  fees are  10% of adjusted gross income with a minimum $10,000 and a maximum $25,000.  Again, this is just our agency - and all agencies vary.  I will say that of the agencies that I have investigated, this seems to be just about the average.  

Our placement fee does not include any counseling (for us or for the birth mother at $100 an hour), updates (if we move, we'll have to update our home study at $500),  post placement supervision (most agencies will need to check up on you at least three times at $325 each visit), any court reports (at $250 each), or an interstate compact fee (this is if you are adopting a child in a state other than your own, and is required.  Our fee for this would be $1500).  

Also associated with adoption is the fact that we will need to appear in court several times - and should have a lawyer to help represent us in obtaining legal custody of our child.  Of course, this lawyer will have their own fees.  

Also - if a birth mother chooses you while she's still pregnant, she may have some things that she can ask you to help her with such as food, rent, utilities, etc.  This varies widely depending upon what state you live in.  Some states don't have any rules regarding helping the birth mother, some set up guidelines, and some states forbid it. 

So all of that (to the best of my knowledge) is the basic cost of adoption.  Now, as Jonathan and I are in the very early stages of this process, I'm sure I am missing some information which can only be gained through experience.  It'll be interesting to look back on this at the end of the process.

One final note, all of this can seem daunting and impossible.  And at times I have been scared to death of all this.  But there are resources out there for help.  There are adoption grants, fundraisers, and tax credits.  It breaks my heart that somebody would discount adoption in their lives simply because of the costs associated with the process.  

As always, I look forward to any questions or conversations this may encourage,
Nikisha

Hi There!

Just a quick update on the world of the would-be parents!

I'm in Chicago right now, embarking on my first summer of grad school.  So far, I'm loving both Chicago and grad school!  There's a ton of work and a ton of writing - but the cool part about it is that all the work and writing is centered around a subject that I love, none of the "general education" stuff that used to bore me to tears.  So that's cool!

Jon is being quite the hero at home holding down the fort (which is no easy feat with grandma and the three cats!).

We are tentatively saying home study in August when I get back - which is both awesome and weird.  I'm wondering if I should have what would be the baby's room generally laid out in the way that we think we will - just to give the social worker an idea?

Coffee sales are slow.  I think I may have projected my love for coffee on the whole world :)

I think that's it for now!! I hope everybody is doing well and enjoying this lovely summer (well, I assume it's lovely.  It's rained almost everyday I've been in Chicago)

Nikisha

Hello Friends!

We have had our first meeting with the woman who is likely to be our social worker.  We learned a lot about different types of adoption (here I was thinking that there were only two - domestic and international.  Not so).  We turned in our inquiry form and are currently working on the applications.  After that will be home study time.  Which is weird, because it means we're actually going to start setting up where a crib will go, or where a changing table will go.  We will have to start making decisions about our baby.  Isn't that weird?  Weird, but awesome.  You should see the pins I have on Pintrest for a nursery :)

Along with application time and home study time comes check writing time.  That part isn't as exciting.  Jonathan and I have really been struggling with the idea of fundraising.  Some friends and family asked when and what we were planning to do in this area so they could help, and that started the conversation.  We have gone back and forth a couple of times - and we agreed that we were very uncomfortable with the idea of asking people for money for nothing in return.

I then had a great conversation with my cousin's wife (shout out to the lovely Pricilla!) and she talked to me about fundraisers and gave me a few places to start.  The first one that we talked about is Owls for Orphans (I've included a link to this organization under the "Helpful Links" tab).  This group is awesome.  Here's what they're all about:

"The Owls for Orphans boutique is where you’ll find our handcrafted crochet animals, patterns, and latch hook rugs.  Items are designed and crafted by Amy and Nichol and make the perfect unique gift for a baby shower or birthday party.  A portion of every sale in our shop goes to help adopting families bring home their children.  We have currently raised over $1300 for adopting families."

I really loved reading about this group - and fully intend on purchasing an owl to help an adopting family.  We sadly cannot be one of their featured families because they currently only feature families who are adopting internationally.  

The next one that I looked into is called Angel Bins.  They are also linked under the tab "Helpful Links".  

"Raising money for your favorite organization can be environmentally friendly. Angel Bins offers you and your team or charity the opportunity to make money while recycling gently used clothing and shoes.

Angel Bins is committed to reducing our impact on the environment. By collecting your used clothing and footwear, we are reducing the amount of waste that goes into our landfills, while recycling some of your items into other materials and re-using the rest in third world countries. Did you know that according to EPA studies, only 15% of all textile waste is currently being recycled?"

They have several different types of fundraisers.  The one I was looking at specifically was the shoe fundraiser.  But then, when do I not like shoes?  So this one is in the works for us, not quite there yet.

The one we have chosen to start at the moment is this:

"When Just Love Coffee Founder Rob Webb and his wife, Emily, were going through the adoption process, they found that many adopting families were frustrated by the lack of a good fundraising model. The Just Love Coffee Roasters fundraising program was born as a result. Our program is unique in that we don’t require you to purchase anything. What you do need to do is tell others about it ... 

We handle everything on the back end, from roasting the coffees to order fulfillment and customer service.
All you have to do is get the word out about your store. Send the link to your Just Love web page to as many people as possible to generate sales for your account."

Why? Because COFFEE!!  I'm the first to admit that I drink too much coffee (I average about four cups a day).  And we really love this fundraiser because it's something that people typically buy anyway.  If you are interested, the link to our shop is: https://justlovecoffee.com/kozikadoption.  I'll keep everybody updated on the progress of that as time goes on.

I hope everybody is having a great week!  One week from today, Jonathan and I will be married for a year!

Nikisha

Hello Again!!

My goodness has the last few months been a whirlwind.  Jonathan and I have been super busy with work - the Spring always tends to be the busiest.  We have taken trips (separately, I have discovered we rarely travel together), we have started new rituals in our home (man, do I hate working out - but I love the way it makes me feel), and we have made new wonderful friends.

We have also made a tiny step forward in the adoption process!  As you might remember we really liked Children's Home Society of Virginia (the very first agency we attended an orientation with), but didn't feel as though we would be able to work with them because they typically require couples to have been married for three years in order to work with them.  So we explored other options, we talked to different agencies, and we kept an ongoing list of which agency we liked the best.  CHS kept popping up at the top of that list.  So we decided to contact them.

After outlining our relationship (met in 2005, started dating in March of 2007, long distance for 2.5 years - but living together for each summer within that time span, living together consecutively since December of 2009, engaged in August of 2012, and married in June of 2013.  This means we will have been in a committed relationship for 7 years and will be married for 14 months by the time we are ready to do a home study August of 2014), the director of social work said that they would be happy to work with us based on that information.  

So although this is a small step, it's an exciting one for Jonathan and me.  The director who responded to us is currently at a conference, but we are looking forward to her call in the coming week.  At that time Jonathan and I will discuss with her details about paperwork and first steps.  We will then start gathering all the necessary documentation for the home study so we are ready for it in August when I return from my first summer in grad school.  

So that's about it!  I am pledging to myself that I am going to be more consistent with the upkeep on this blog, and have lined up some topics for the future.  I hope all of you are doing well and enjoying this beautiful weather we're finally getting - unless you're my friends and family in Arizona.  In which case you should probably stay inside and drink lots of water :)

Nikisha

Apparently I'm terrible at keeping up at blogging when there is little to report.  Although, I guess that makes sense.  So, let's catch up.

In the adoption world, not much has happened.  Jonathan and I have attended one more adoption orientation, but still love the first one we went to the most.  We're considering asking them if any exception will be made for us.  If you remember, they require that couples be married for three years.  The woman we spoke to did mention that they make exceptions in some cases.  We figure having been together for seven years might count for something - even if we have only been married for one (or will have been married for one by the time we're ready to formally apply).  I figure we're going to wait to formally apply until I get back from my first summer in grad school.   So that's really it on the adoption front.  We're pretty boring :)

In the world of other news, my theatre season is over.  My students just finished their run of Guys and Dolls and really did a fantastic job.  It was really a wonderful experience for me because along with it being  a great show, I got to know my students and some of my colleagues better.  That has been quite the blessing.  But now that it's over - it's time to catch up on grading, sleep, and much needed time just being ourselves. 

So that's about it.  We're slowly chugging along.  There will be much more to report by August when we chose an agency at get the home study under way! Until then, I have a couple of posts up my sleeve.

Hope everybody else is doing well!