Dear Baby Kozy,

This letter to you is about your Auntie MayMay.  Here are 10 things you need to know about your Auntie MayMay, in no particular order: 

1. Your aunt is one of two women in my life of whom I have no doubt will be with me until the day I die.  Stephanie (your godmother) is the other one.  Lucky for me, the two of them love each other too.

2. Your aunt and I are very different, in almost every way.  We love each other beyond measure.  We also fight with each other sometimes.  Those fights can be epic.  But we always love each other.  I guess that's how sisters are.

3. Auntie MayMay is fiercely devoted to family, and is already fiercely devoted to you.  I believe this waiting period (currently sitting at 40 weeks and 4 days, but who's counting?) is almost as hard on her as it is on Dad and me.  She's already called "dibs" on many firsts in your life.  Most of them dealing with fashion, which leads me to my next point ...

4. Your aunt is gorgeous.  If you ever need hair, makeup or fashion advice - she's your girl. 

5.  Your aunt is not perfect.  Aunt May has had some hard times in her life, and made some hard decisions.  Sometimes, they weren't the right decisions.  But here's the thing: she knows she's not perfect, and she is constantly working on improving herself.  I admire that so much. 

6. Your aunt is talented.  From writing, to drawing, to massage therapy.  Anything she decides she wants to do, she excels at.  I honestly believe she can do anything.

7. Your aunt is funny.  Ask me to see the video of her acting like her thumbs were dragons.  It's hilarious.  

8. Your aunt tries so hard.  She tries so hard to be there for others, to do the right thing, to love everybody around her.  She tries so hard to be the best at what she does, to be an example to others, to not let the little things get her down.  There are a lot of people in this world who judge Mayghan for the life she has lead so far - and those people are missing out on a huge opportunity not only to get to know the wonderful person that is my sister and your aunt, but to understand that she is constantly learning from herself and others.  That's a lesson we can all learn, I think.  

9. I fully expect Mayghan to be your favorite.  That'll irritate me some days.

10. I would not be half the woman I am today if I didn't grow up with your aunt as my sister.  She has always unconditionally supported me, loved me, and challenged me.  

Love,
Mom

Dear Baby,

Today and tomorrow mark our first major holiday as a waiting family.  It's not as hard as I thought it would be, but we've only been waiting for a couple weeks.  We'll see how it gets as time progresses.  

In the meantime, I wanted to tell you a little bit about how Christmas is for our family, at least how it is this year.  I'm sure once you come everything will change.

This year, we have a small white tree (it stands at about a foot and a half), with quite a bit of presents under and around it at the moment.  The presents are mostly for other members of our family: Grams Marie and Paps Jon, Aunt Joyce and Uncle Jeff, Aunt Jan, Grandma Ann, Cousin Alex and his girlfriend Haley (all on your father's side), Grandpa TC, Auntie MayMay and Uncle Isaac, Grandma Cheryl, Grandma Mel, and several students of mine (those are all on my side).   We've also mailed a ton of them out (Stephanie and Eric have already gotten theirs, as have my GodDaughter Emma, Grandmas Maia and Jackie, and Aunt Jill and Alicia).  We also have a couple gifts for us - some from each other, but most from our wonderful loving friends and family.  I imagine once you're a part of our family, ALL the gifts will be for you :)

On the tree we have a couple of small blue ornaments and a really beautiful ornament that is in the shape of a heart and says "Our First Christmas, 2013" which was a wedding gift.  Someday I hope to have a "Baby's First Christmas, 201_".  Above the tree, we've taped all the Christmas cards that we've gotten to the wall.  Dad wasn't sure about this idea at first, but I think it looks pretty nice.  I've got a video of a crackling fire playing on the television, and a pumpkin pie candle burning - so the house smells delicious and sounds nice and cozy.

There are also some pretty decorations up.  Gold ornaments hang from the dining room chandelier and in some doorways.  There is a small red table runner on the dining table with red candles and a quaint little decorative tree with a cardinal on top.  There is also a lit up garland on the kitchen island.  

We're going to be having some of my students over today so that I can give them their gifts.  Tomorrow, Grandma Cheryl and Grandpa TC are coming over to our house to have Christmas dinner and open presents.  I'm going to make some sugar cookies (because yum), and buy just a couple more presents, and then we're all ready for tomorrow!  

Someday you'll be here, opening gifts with us.  Someday we will be helping you to clean up the mess and put everything away. Someday we'll all sit down as a family to decide what we can do for others this time of year.  Someday we'll ring the new year in together and make plans on how we're going to be better people.  Someday.

But for now, I do have one present for you.  When our Home Study became final a couple weeks ago, we asked Stephanie and Eric to be your God Parents.  Stephanie and Eric are two of the kindest, most loving people that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. In the lowest times and the highest times of my life, I have always been able to turn to these two wonderful people who have seen me through.  Stephanie was one of two bridesmaids in our wedding (Auntie MayMay was the other), and Eric performed most of the ceremony that joined your father and me.  I know that these two will smother you with unconditional love, and support you through the wonderful times in your life as well as the difficult ones.  

Wherever you are right now, please know that you are loved by so many people who cannot wait to meet you when the right time comes.

Merry Christmas, Baby.  

Love, 
Mom

Dearest Baby,
It seems fitting that my first post about our adoption process is a letter to you, don't you think?

Daddy and I are so excited to start looking for you.  We talk about you all the time, and we have so many questions!

How old will you be when we meet you?
What will you look like?
Where will you come from?
What will you like? What will you dislike?
Will you be a boy or a girl?

There are so many more.  But the questions aren't the important part.The important part is that we are looking for you.  And as we look for you and navigate the difficult path laid down before us, we are going to tell you (and anybody else who cares to listen) all about the journey.  Hopefully other moms looking for their babies will find this tiny piece of the internet, and it will help them too. 

So here we are at the very beginning.  I am doing a ton of research on who is out there that can lead us to you, and daddy is napping with the kitties. Typical :)  I'll update you as we get along in the process.

I hope that wherever you are right now, that you know you are loved.
Mommy